10. Cranium - An amalgam of win lose or draw, charades, name that tune, and pictionary, not much strategy required, so it slides to 10, but still requires more than lucky die rolling like too many board games.
9. Connect Four - Basically advanced tic-tac-toe, and a classic
8. Checkers - While Chess’s idiot cousin, still an all time great.
7. Scrabble - For all those word people out there
6. Clue - Few games hinge so heavily on the ability to effectively use deductive logic to win
5. Balderdash - My favorite game for a long time, requires clever word smithing along with a keen sense of your opponents.
4. Stratego - great military strategy game
3. Risk - Simple, classic, although strategically, fairly predictable
2. Settlers of Catan - Its like a mix between Monopoly and Risk, with a new board every time you play
1. Chess - Simply the greatest game ever invented

Keenan

I feel like this list is long over due, and could generate some interesting debate (at least this is the kind of thing I love talking about). In order:

10. Guardian (Halo 3 - xBox 360): This is still, despite my placing it 10th, my favorite H3 map. The reason I don’t rate it higher is only because it has a tendency to snowball, which can be REALLY frustrating if you’re on the wrong end of the spree, but can be super satisfying if you’re the one on the killing frenzy. Also, the sniper tower tends to encourage camping (guilty as charged, and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but…), which tends to force a majority of the action to that corner of the map.
9. G5 Building (Perfect Dark - N64): I only wish they would have used a different texture on the walls so that everything didn’t look the same. Very close quarters for PD, and it was possible to be super cheap against the Sims by holding up in the dead-end hall at the top with the window, get your magnum doubled up, train your sites to head level and wait for them to pop out from the end of the hallway. Incidentally, that ended up being one of the big problems with many of the PD maps, too many dead end hallways that you could get yourself set up in.
8. Sandbox (Halo 3 - xBox 360): I know, this is a very new map (well, really 3 maps in one), but I have extremely high hopes for it, and love customization. This forgeable canvas promises to have all the flexibility and functionality that Foundry lacked.
7. Prisoner (Halo CE - xBox): I always liked this level, even though I was never all that successful at it. I liked the balance of two clear strategies, snipe and cover the over-shield or roam the bottom with rockets, AR and invisibility. The plasma rifle was also great in this level, catch a guy on one of those gangways, stick him with the gun until you ran over and punched him. I always wanted an official remake of this level for H2 & 3, but without fall damage, it probably wouldn’t play nearly as well.
6. High Ground (Halo 3 - xBox 360): It took me awhile to warm up to this map, but it plays with a great balance of long, mid, and short range combat, plus vehicles work, but it isn’t so big that 4 player games slow down. You can play a post up game, or roam, good lines of sight, but plenty of cover to allow safe travel across the map.
5. Stack (GoldenEye - N64): This map usually ranks behind the Facility and Temple, but I always thought it was a better map than either of them, there weren’t any bottle necks, the bi-level courtyards made for interesting shoot-outs. I chose the Stack above the Library mainly because the Basement wasn’t all that fun, and really made the level too big for even 4 player matches.
4. The Pit (Halo 3 - xBox 360): This map plays so balanced. Again, there is a nice mix of long, mid, and short range combat, definitely multiple strategies and playing styles can be successful which makes for more interesting and exciting games.
3. Villa (Perfect Dark - N64): The quality of multiplayer maps in this game was one of the big strikes against it, but this was a great map. Unfortunately, it was one of the very very few maps in which the Sims didn’t get too bogged down in a loop somewhere and turn into a shooting gallery. Great lighting, hill games here were super fun.
2. Chill Out (Halo CE - xBox): Small maps are my favorite, so its no surprise that this was my favorite map from CE. The remake for H3 really shows how different the game has become.
1. Complex (GoldenEye - N64): Simply the best. There aren’t any natural bottle necks in this level, it flows so well with multiple routes to anywhere on the map, all parts of the map are played. I have fond memories of shoot-outs in all of the sections. Its sad that this was also the best map on PD, for some reason, Rare wasn’t ever able to replicate the magic they created with this map. Making a forged Sandbox version of this map for H3 is priority #1 for me.

So we sort of covered some of this with our top 10 video games post, but we’ve been digging deeper into all the mediums lately so I thought this might be an interesting direction. INPO:

WinBack: Covert Operations (N64) - Still the best 3rd person stealth 4-player split screen multiplayer game ever.
Conker’s Bad Fur Day (N64) - Rare = awesome
NBA 2K3 (xBox) - The best basket ball game ever made, the controls are simple and intuitive and the character generator is robust enough to make reasonable facsimiles of all your friends. 2 v 2 street ball is about the funnest 4 player sports game ever. I still can’t believe they haven’t made this game backwards compatible with the 360 yet (actually, I just checked, and it has finally been added to the list, hooray!).
WWF No Mercy (N64) - Super fun, amazing character personalization possible, you could customize all 100+ moves your player performed in the ring, and again, great 4 player action.
Perfect Dark (N64) - actually, probably a better game than its predecessor, but the multiplayer levels weren’t quite as good and the campaign was just terrible, I hate when an FPS turns into an alien shooting gallery.
Micro Machines (NES) - great game, spent tons of time playing this game at a friends house growing up.
Clayfighter (Sega Genesis) - back when I still cared about graphics (and fighting games), this game blew my mind.
Tecmo Superbowl (NES) - still maybe the best football game ever made, and the savable season progress was revolutionary.
Base Wars (NES) - best baseball game ever made, on a close play you get to fight it out for the call.
Halo 3 (xBox 360) - Yeah, I did it, I know, I know, when a game is the highest selling game of all time, it can hardly be considered underrated, but it really is a great game, better than CE, and consistently rates below other titles on other lists published on the web, so say what you will.

-Keenan

Back at it, NPO:

Seinfeld (the most perfect comedy ever, if you disagree, then you’re wrong.)
Simpson’s
The Daily Show (w/ Jon Stewart)
News Radio
Get Smart
The Cosby Show
30 Rock
The Office (American)
Scrubs
The Red Green Show

Notable snubs:
M*A*S*H
Cheers

Time to spice things up, NPO:

Anchorman
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Office Space
Napolean Dynomite
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Kung Fu Hustle (replacing: Dumb and Dumber)
Zoolander
Best in Show
Down with Love
Billy Madison

Notable snub: Animal House - the most over rated movie of all time, lets face it, it just isn’t funny.

We’ve done super hero characters, and comic book villains, its time to forget the personalities that make those characters great and concentrate on the powers these characters have that make them super (sorry Batman fans, being super rich doesn’t count). This can be interpreted as either the super powers you would most want to have or the most interesting powers for plot development. I tried to keep both in mind:

10. Super agility
9. Telekinesis
8. Power negation
7. Shadow manipulation
6. Invisibility
5. Invulnerability
4. Teleportation
3. Intangibility
2. Shape shifting
1. Reactive adaptation

This should be pretty interesting and revealing (especially to all those graphics sluts who care more about how grass looks than how fun a game is). In no particular order:

Custom character leveling up - You all know how rewarding it is when you finally have enough experience points to use that big spell you’ve had your eye on for days now, so fun and super cool to have an individualized character based on how you want to play the game.

Saving your progress - One of the best features about Tecmo Super Bowl was the savable season and tracking your stats against the field.

Moving and aiming independently - Requires 2 directional pads and opened the possibilities of total game immersion.

Sandbox modes - Driver, need I say more?

First person perspective - This was the next step in total game immersion, and of course made FPSs possible.

Character editor - think Tiger Woods (xbox 360) or WWF: No Mercy (N64), one of the things that makes these games great is that you can make your character look like you.

Smart NPC AI - Remember the zig-zag move on Tecmo, or beating bosses on MegaMan, just find the pattern and exploit. Try doing that on Halo 3, or Madden ‘08.

Coupled campaign and multi-player game modes - I’m not sure how this became something of a standard, but I sure am glad it did.

Map editor - Whether its Halo’s Forge, or AoE’s campaign editor, or Tony Hawk’s skate park editor, making maps is fun.

Four player split screen multi-player - As the regulars know, this is a huge sticking point for me, and I think a defining quality of any great shooter. When you have 4 friends sitting together in a room working as a team, and you win a close game and you can actually stand up, cheer, and hive five your teammates, nothing can beat that kind of camaraderie. It just adds a great party feel to gaming.

And these are in a semi-particular order, alphabetically, that is, they do start with letters and are in an order.

Clayface - one of the coolest animated villains ever, i’m thinking of the saturday morning batman cartoon that used to play

Red Skull - classic

Mr. Mxyzptlk - so lame, but so…..lame

Mole Man - ever need a filler villain with an anonymous horde of troops? this is your guy

Thanos - baaaad man, him and adam warlock got into groovy shit with an infinity gauntlet

Dr. Doom - Baron Von Tiiiiight

Magneto - Remember when he tore Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton out? that was the sickest

Kraven the Hunter - who is this guy? I can tell you.

The Beyonder - An entire universe worth of energy alive inside a single entity that has no care at all for this universe equals? sweet villain

Bloodsport - badass fighting skills, nuff said

I know we’ve been talking about doing this one for some time now, so here it is, in all its glory. It will be interesting to see how far people are willing to stretch the category. My list, saving best for last.

10. Unforgiven - Generally over-rated, but still deserving of a spot.
9. For a Few Dollars More - Sergio Leone is a genius.
8. The Wild Bunch - Introduced the “long walk” that has been emulated numerous times in other movies.
7. Once Upon a Time in the West - More Sergio Leone, just a great movie.
6. The Outlaw Josie Wales - Great dialog, I find the ending a little cheesy, but some of the exchanges with his Indian friend and the carpetbagger are just priceless.
5. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - Great chemistry between Newman and Redford, a lot of fun to watch.
4. Open Range - Best shootout, really great story, very watchable
3. Dances With Wolves - All around good story, though not your typical hero driven western
2. Tombstone - great characters, so many quotable lines, great story, Val Kilmer is awesome.
1. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - greatest movie (not just western) of all time, beautiful visuals, pioneered the freeze frame intro that has become a part of so many movies, great use of time for dramatic effect.

Notable snub - anything with John Wayne in it, he’s a joke and an embarrassment to movies.

Keenan

Answer the next questions as truthfully as possible.

If you don’t know the answer or none of the possible answers seem appropriate for you then just think about which answer I would choose. That’s not a hint as to what the answers are. That’s just good advice.

1. You buy a Milky Way bar but inside the wrapper is a Snickers. You:
a. Recognizing it as a sign of the Apocalypse you run to the nearest holy place. As the Horseman Famine charges in through the front doors on his black steed your candy bar wrapper glows gold and turns into a sword hilt. The horseman and all hunger are slayed with your magic Snickers. You instantly become a Jehovah’s Witness.
b. say, “Awww, nuts!”
c. eat it anyway because it’s just about as good, then choke on a peanut and die mouthing the words, “What I really wanted was a Milky Way…”

2. You go to a nightclub with some friends and there’s a $10 cover charge. You:
a. decide $10 is too much and wait outside talking to homeless people while your friends get drunk.
b. notice what the other guys are wearing and immediately regret that you too wore a spandex shirt.
c. buy 7 seven drinks at once so you only have to give the waitress one tip.
d. dance awkwardly with people you don’t know and spill the beer and alcohol you paid too much for all over yourself.

3. You buy 22 $20 Happy-Go-Lucky lottery tickets at a gas station and end up winning about $300, and the guy behind you buys 1 Happy-Go-Lucky lottery ticket, scratches it off in front of you and wins 2 million dollars. You:
a. you write down the man’s license plate, hack into the police mainframe, get his address, take the ticket and kill him, but are tortured by guilt. For a month. Then you shake it off and live it up.
b. decide it’s time to go ahead and admit you’re gay because you now you have definitive proof that there is no God.
c. laugh it off like it’s not killing you inside and then go home and beat your dog

4. Your running for President of the United States. You have to pick a vice-president. You:
a. pick someone who’s pro-life, believes in creationism and intelligent design, and who no one’s ever heard of.
b. decide being President wouldn’t even be that “cool” and instead go wind-surfing, on mushrooms.
c. pick the biological twin that you’ve been keeping secret for all these long, long years.
d. pick Joe Biden.

5. It’s a weekday evening. Something’s wrong with your cable and Nancy Grace, Road Rules season 36, and Project Runway are the only things on t.v. You:
a. read a book or a porno magazine whichever makes you hornier.
b. watch Nancy Grace because you love to watch over-makeupped windbags seem outraged at every thing that happens in the world.
c. watch Road Rules because you’re hoping there will be a nip-slip during a sexy make out scene or at least some douchebags’s drunken relationship train wreck.
d. the batteries have gone out in the remote. You’re stuck on Project Runway. You consider turning the t.v. off manually, but decide you don’t have time so you kill yourself.
e. cut your toenails.

Answers:
1. b. (get it?)
2. c.
3. c.
4. d.
5. a or e.

How you rank in Life
5 perfect score- That’s some nice decision making. Now how about you decide to get me a sandwich.
4 correct- You rule at life and could someday have a doublewide trailer of your own.
3 correct- Ok, so you’ve been to jail a couple times for meth, so what?
2 correct- Things aren’t going so great for you, huh, pal? Sorry. But seriously though, I need that $50 bucks.
1 correct- You are either Anne Coulter or the second coming of Elvis’s ass warts.
0 correct- You never show your face in public again. That was an order, not a suggestion.

*A copy of this test can be obtained for $55.00 or 2 for $115. Buy more for an even greater discount.
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